Living With Cancer ⋆ Colon Cancer

It has been a year now since I was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. It started as a bad lower back pain. I have had back pain on and off since my twenties. See, at one time I thought I was going to be a body builder. I exercised a lot! But that is another story. Back to the Living With Cancer story.

The back pain was getting worse, so I went to the clinic. They gave me muscle relaxers. Those worked and my back pain went away. THEN…, I felt constipated, that went on for a week then I decided time to go back to the clinic. See..I did not have a regular doctor. I had not been to see a doctor in probably 40 years or so. The Nurse Practioner (NP) prescribed me some liquid stuff to drink and said if this stuff doesn’t work go to the ER. Well, it didn’t work so off to the dreaded ER I went.

Needless to say, the ER SUCKS! It is always so cold there and the wait times are torture! Finally, they got around to me and said they were going to do a Cat scan on me to see what was going on. So off I went to have that done then back to the little room to lie there and wait to see the doctor. Doc comes back with some somber news, I have stage 4 colon cancer, PLUS I have kidney stones and also, I am a diabetic. I got slammed!

Well then, the surgeon comes in to talk to me. He says they need to do surgery right away. He goes on to tell me they need to cut out part of my guts. The cancer is everywhere in my pelvic area. He goes on to tell me that I will need to have a colostomy bag. I tell you; I rose up off that gurney and said “WHAT?” He gave me a blank stare and I settled back down. Tom, my husband, said “and she will die without this done?” and he replied, “yes, in about 3 months.”

So, I signed the paperwork needed and off to surgery I went. They wheeled me into a giant room that had loud music playing and people milling about. I heard one person singing along to the music. There were these huge over head lights that looked like something out of a sci-fi movie. They wheeled me under one. One of the nurses, (I think she was a nurse) was standing next to me and held my hand. I told her I was scared, and she said a prayer over me. I relaxed and felt a little more at ease. To this day I swear she was an angel. She asked me to count backwards from 10 and I was out.

I awoke in the recovery room though I didn’t want to wake up. I kept drifting back off to sleep and the nurses kept shouting my name and touching my face. Finally, I became fully awake and aware. It makes me wonder, I don’t remember dreaming. I don’t remember anything at all. What happens when we go under anesthesia?

We don’t dream like when we go asleep, maybe it is that deep sleep stage where we don’t dream. It is just total nothingness. Is that what it will be like when we die? We just no longer exist, just blackness. Not even that. Just nothingness. It seems one minute I was counting backwards then I was gone. I know the surgery took a few hours, but I was back awake in mere minutes it seems. Where was I, my essence, during that time? It is mind boggling.

I was finally given a room. I stayed in the hospital for a week and a day. They had me hooked up to several tubes and machines.

While in the hospital, several specialists came in to see me. The diabetes lady to educate me, the kidney doctors, a lady to educate me on my colonopathy how to care for this nasty bag, I call it my shit pocket. My surgeon literally gutted me and reamed me a new ass hole. I was in pain quite a bit.

Finally, the pain went away, and I was doing “better”. I had no insurance; I was waiting to get on Medicare which was one year away. So, I was in financial trouble. My hospital bill was 17K. My surgery was 10K. I needed chemo treatments. I was told they would be 6K per treatment without having the insurance. My cancer doctor said I would need treatments every 2 weeks for the rest of my life, however long that will be. So, I put the treatments on hold until I could figure out what to do about insurance.

Then, I was saved by a division of Deaconess hospital called The Well Fund. They set me up for insurance with Anthem Blue Cross & Blue Sheild. What a life saver that was! The Well Fund paid my premiums all year. It was going to be a year before I could get on Medicare. Living with cancer is not easy!

The insurance paid for all my treatment care and for all of my prescriptions too. It is great insurance! I want to say that my friends came to my rescue too. Sandy set up a Go Fund Me page and Jamie sends me clothes and money. Those two gals have been my friends since we were about 14 hears old! Also, one of my clients Michele Sayre sent me money monthly. I was blessed to have so many people who cared. Thank you!

Also, I would like to thank Phyllis Tucker, John Stratthaus, my mom and Tom my husband. Tom has been a true warrior though all of this and has done SO much for me and for my mom. I could not live without him by my side! Living with cancer was getting a little bit easier with Tom’s help. True story!

Chemo Treatments Begin

Finally, in March, I was able to begin treatments. As scared as I was, I cried when they hooked me up. I knew my hair would fall out, but I was also afraid I would go blind! After reading all the side effects these chemicals could do to you and loss of sight was one of them, I freaked out.

When the injections began, I asked the nurse if I would go blind. She assured me that I would not, and she asked me where I heard that at. I told her it was in the literature I was given about the drugs and the side effects. She explained to me it was very rare and that they have to list everything that had been reported. That reassured me, but still I worried some. Living with cancer is scary! We were there for 5 hours.

I went through a lot during treatments. Chemo treatments really took a toll on me. I cried a lot. Most of my hair fell out. Losing my hair was hard on me. I didn’t lose all my hair, enough to make it look scraggily and ugly. I had severe diarrhea every time I ate, which meant staying in the bathroom for a long time cleaning my bag, and several episodes of it. There weren’t many issues with throwing up because they gave me nausea meds. I lost a LOT of weight. I went down to 100 lbs. For a 5’7″ gal, that is not much.

I looked like walking death, which is what I am truthfully. With my weight loss and my hair looking like it does, I tell people I look like something out of a Stephen King movie! You remember the movie, The Shining, where that old woman raised up out of the bathtub? That is what I look like.

My cancer doctor decided to put me on anti-diarrhea medication. It worked somewhat, until one day I had severe stomach pain, and I mean put you on the floor pain. I told Tom to call the ambulance, which he did. They came and got me and gave me pain meds while on the way to the hospital. It didn’t help though when they inserted an IVY into the top of my hand, ouch!

When I got to the emergency room, I waited and waited. Finally, they came in and hooked me up to liquids and gave me a stronger pain med, which made me throw up. Up came broccoli. I will never eat broccoli again! The doc came in and diagnosed me with illuis. He said that some of my meds could have caused it. They took my oxy away from me. Said it was the number 1 side effect that causes illuis. Bummer! ALSO, my anti-diarrhea meds cause illuis. So, I had to stop using that as well.

I was in the hospital a few days and I was not allowed to eat or drink anything. I didn’t care about eating anything, but I was so thirsty! They wanted to have an x-ray of my stomach. They made me drink this awful tasting stuff they called contrast! UGH! They wanted to see if there was any blockage going on. There was not. After I got back to my room, I had severe diarrhea. The nurse told me that the liquid they had me drink causes it. Said it would last about 3 days. Great! Now add that to the diarrhea form the chemo I already have. I just can’t get a break!

Fast forward a few months and the cancer has shrunk considerably. Great news! Most of my hair has fallen out and I have neuropathy in my feet and hands, but I am surviving and alive. I have gained 12 pounds back and I feel great. I am still working on illustrations. I would go nuts if I was not working on a project. Working on illustrations is a great therapy for me.

After about 6 months of chemo, my doctor took me off 2 of the chemo meds and I now only am getting 1 of the meds. It lowered my treatment time considerably. Other than sever neuropathy I am doing a lot better now.

My cancer doc said that at stage four, the cancer will never go away but it can go into remission and keep stable for many years. So, we will see how long I can remain living with cancer.

LIVING WITH CANCER

Chemo Treatments Begin

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